Mae Lindner
KNOT




one of the first things
you said to me
as unexplained
as the last


                I said yuck. Something about a variety of frames.
                Something about the way you were standing on
                that stool while I knelt below. The mouldings were
                all gold and you looked at me with that fierce and
                present stare.


                Something about the way you asked me to repeat
                the phrase. Something about the way you turned
                away from me in consideration, only to ask if I’d
                ever read STILL LIFE OF A WOODPECKER.

                (I’m eager to listen. So eager.)

                But when I ask, when I say - no - why?
                you say - just a - just a book. You say it with a
                stammer. Something about the way your voice
                trails off. The pause in the sentence.

something about unmasking. something about a girl named Leigh-Cheri.
something about the moon. something about HIDING AND SEEKING.

I google the book and come up with this excerpt that resonates, though I don’t know if it did for you, in that moment.
And I may never.

                “some folks hide and some folks seek, and seeking
                when it’s mindless, neurotic, desperate, or pusillanimous
                can be a form of hiding. But there are folks who want
                to know and aren’t afraid to look and won’t turn tail
                should they find it -- and if they never do, they’ll have
                a good time anyway because nothing. neither the
                terrible truth nor the absence of it, is going to cheat
                them out of one honest breath of earth’s sweet grass.

I guess I feel like I’m hiding around you. I don’t feel like I need to come out (of hiding). And when you don’t explain your reference I sense something akin to hiding in you too. There’s closeness without
Intention.





Mae is a queer human, two-time art school graduate, and avid reader currently residing in the Pacific Northwest. Sun in Aquarius, Moon in Aries, Virgo Rising.